Am I a Christian?

Here I am,a stranger on my own dashboard, posting again after a 19 month sabbatical. I can give you a bunch of excuses why I haven't been blogging, but I will take some brilliant advice I heard last week (from my own mouth no less), and apologize instead of giving excuses. Sorry for taking so long! I know those of you who "follow" me have been waiting and hoping I'd start posting again, and for this I thank you. Partly because of your encouragement I'm back for today at least, and my computer is cooperating....

The topic of the day is courtesy of my (Jason's) cousin Jaime. I want to thank her for her transparency, vulnerability, and bravery in her Aug. 24 post to her blog, The Faith Experiment (http://www.thefaithexperiment.com/). I read it in bed one morning as I was waking up, and it inspired a "writing attack"--an eight page non-stop scribbling in my journal at the dining room table. I was blown away by the strength of my voice in response to the question Jaime had been asked by her readers, which she chose to leave hanging at the end of her blog: "Are you a Christian?". I read my response to Jason over coffee, delighted that I actually had an answer to a question that had made me cringe on far too many awkward occasions. For the first time in many, many, many, seasons, I can stand behind my answer proudly, knowing that it is not something I need to defend, but that it is an expression of my current thoughts on a subject I have wrestled with, and will continue to wrestle in, for as long as I draw breath. My answer then, is not an end (not polished or edited either!), but an ongoing conversation to be had with those stubborn enough (as I am) to insist on a faith and a God that constantly defies (outgrows) our definitions. So without further be-laboring of the fact (since my son Caleb has informed me I am wont to do on all subjects), I give you my answer. It is dedicated to all of you--those who will love it AND those who will hate it. But most especially, this is dedicated to Jaime. I hope this encourages you to keep being real in all the ways you can.


Are you Christian?

That, my friend, is a loaded question!

Are you asking if:
I agree with the Crusades, where the blood of "pagans" and "infidels" was taken in rage?
Are you asking if:
I hate, or at least am afraid of Muslims and Buddhists and Jews and Hindus and all the teachings and texts that explain the universe in different ways than the version King James?
Are you asking if:
I hate gays, or at least think that they are deluded in many evil ways, along with women who choose to have sex, unwed, drug lords and pot heads, drunkards and the mentally insane?
Are you asking if:
I think that I am (thankfully) saved from an eternity of damnation, while I carry the burden of worry and conversion for the multitude of confused and belligerent, damned to condemnation?
Are you asking if:
I am, above all things,
Sure of God
Sure of Country
Sure of a Religion that makes lines between
Wrong and Right
Saved and Unsaved
Sure of Wholly justified and unjustified violence
(who kills whom and when is it blessed)
Lines Lines Lines
and Measurements
(that add up sinful actions and weigh this against motions taken to prove repentance)

Are you asking all that when you ask me this:
"Are you Christian?"
Because the answer is easy then, my friend. The answer is, as you might now guess,
God help me, no!
God save us, no!
Or just,
No No No

But am I Christian?

Do I believe that Christ came as a man and yet as divine and explained by his life how beloved I am?

Do I believe that divinity aims to awake daily inside our amazing hearts and brains and inspire us to great heights of creativity, courage and transformation?

Do I believe that a text set down by ancient Jewish men and subject to many manly translations still remains a guide for a contemporary life?
(as with recipes passed down through generations, where ingredients change but with care and time the results are no less nourishing--food full of memory, mystery, miracle sustenance...)

Do I believe in a force of sacred unity that is as close as my next breath?

Do I believe that my earthly form was made in the image of one too fantastical to name with one name or explain with my brain but is:
LOVE,
moving mountains,
bringing rain to dry places,
forgiving murderers and rapists and
all the actions of the criminally insane?

Do I believe that I am one of them--the criminally insane--and that the point is not to be:
All knowing
All powerful
All right
but rather
All grace?

Do I believe that there is an evil more dangerous than the three-second snake that can make my life a living hell--that I could make the mistakes that Hitler did by choosing hate
day after day after day?

Do I believe in freedom that lives behind prison gates?
Do I believe in love that extends enlightenment to all who request, whether Buddhist or Lesbian, Priest or Evangelist, Muslim or Democrat, Guru or Gang Banger?

Do I believe in faith that creates communities where:
the hungry are fed
the lame walk
the lost are found
heaven is no longer a place in the clouds?

Are you asking all that when you ask me this:
"Are you a Christian?"

Then, my friend, the answer is this:

Yes Yes Yes!

Amen!